Marquee Bits


                                                

Welcome to the new Wasted Wits! Actually, it hasn\’t changed all that much but, then again, neither have you. It\’s obvious you\’re still sitting there in front of that screen, chatting with your little pen pals about how hot you look, right? By God, you KNOW we\’re right.

Aren\’t you so sick of that smug look on Alex Trebek\’s face, and the oh-so-proper way he pronounces foreign words? Ok, so he has a degree in Philosophy, big deal. Take away his goddamn cheat cards and see how smart he is.

Congratulations!  You are the first member of Mensa to visit our site!!!!!  All the others were knuckleheads…  

(Completely toss the Alex Trebek bit as well as the current opener about the pen pals)


Welcome to the new, improved Wasted Wits!  Having undergone the cyber-equivalent of major plastic surgery, we emerge as a sleeker, more sarcastic, and funnier site than ever.  Well, two out of three ain\’t bad! 

Thank you for surfing Wasted Wits instead of some sleazy porn site. To try and make up for all the T & A you\’re missing, we soon hope to provide phone numbers we\’ve collected from bathroom stalls all over this great land.

Thank you for wasting your time with us! May we suggest a visit to Wasteland? There, you\’ll find us to be the “Robin Hoods of Humor”... skewering the rich and famous, and then feeding their entrails to the poor.

Thanks for wasting a chunk of your valuable time! May we suggest a visit to the Wasted Wits News page? To hell with the New York Times, we can wallow in the muck and mire with the best of them!

Thanks for wasting valuable work time! May we suggest a visit to EVL Ways? There you\’ll enter the darkly funny, sometimes weird world of Eric... the other half of the Wasted Wits Team. Careful not to feed the animals...

Hey, you\’re back!!!!! Don’t forget to post a comment, insult, or worshipful praise on our Guestbook!

Wow, a slow day for you, huh?  Head on over to our Boneyard, where the old bits quietly live on in peace and dignity.  Sure, some of them are wearing adult diapers and are choking on their applesauce, but at least they\’re still alive!


Welcome to the new and improved Wasted Wits! 

Actually, it hasn’t changed all that much but, then again, neither have you. It\’s obvious you\’re still sitting there in front of that screen, chatting with your little pen pals about how hot you look, right? By God, you KNOW we’re right.            Aren\’t you so sick of that smug look on Alex Trebek\’s face, and the oh-so-proper way he pronounces foreign words? Ok, so he has a degree in Philosophy, big deal. Take away his goddamn cheat cards and see how smart he is.            
Congratulations! You\’re the first Mensa member to surf our site!!!!!!! All the others were knuckleheads.

. . . . . . From the National Weather Service . . . . . . a tornado watch has been issued for your area . . . . . . . . . . . . Ha! Admit we had you there for a second, dammit!

. . . . . . NYSE US 100 -53.46. . . . . . NYSE TMT -102.39. . . . . . DJ INDUSTRIALS -201.02. . . . . . S&P 500 -550.09. . . . . . WASTED WITS +662.87. . . . . . 

Coming to a theater near you . . . ”WoolyBack Mountain” . . the story of a young sheepherder with too much time on his hands.

WASHINGTON (WNN) — The State Department has announced the immediate deployment of the Wasted Wits team to North Korea for high-level negotiations with President Kim Jong-il. Apparently, it was felt that, in light of recent failed talks, a good dose of sarcasm may be in order.

Welcome to Wasted Wits News — The only news department completely powered by hamsters running in cages.                                                

  .-   .--. .-.. .- -. .   .... .- ...   .- .--. .--. .- .-. . -. - .-.. -.--   --. --- -. .   -.. --- .-- -.   .. -.   - .... .   -.-. --- -. --. --- .-.-.-     -.. . - .- .. .-.. ...   .- .-. .   ... -.- . - -.-. .... -.-- .-.-.-  We will provide a translation of this breaking story as soon as possible.

May we have your attention please . . . . . as you surf our site here at Wasted Wits, you may feel your brain losing many years of collected wisdom. . . . . . . Do not be alarmed . . . this knowledge will return upon your departure.

Wasted Wits is proud that Igor, our mascot, does not use deodorant of any kind.

Wasted Wits exists to show all of those cheerleaders who ignored us in high school, that THIS is what they could have had.


Rapper/mogul Sean Combs--formerly known as Puffy, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, and Diddy--has now decided to just go with Doo-Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo.

IBM has decided to enter the market for Personal Data Assistants and is offering it\'s own version of the Blackberry...a small, round, chocolate colored device called The Dingleberry.

A Panda cub was born at the Atlanta Zoo. News teams are racing to photograph the new arrival and aren't sure why.