Wasted Wits Weather

Current Conditions:    
We don’t want to alarm you, but start filling the tub with water.
Stick your head out the window.
We don’t have a clue... we work in a cave.
If you hear thunder, it could be raining.
Run to the center of the room!!!!!!!
Flowing swiftly... and headed to sea.

Humidity:   
Tell everyone you just switched to a new shampoo: Suave’s "Thick N’ Oily”
Forget it... wear a hat.
You’ll be picking boogers the size of a car battery.
Leave the undies at home and go Commando.
No deodorant on Earth can save you today.
You’ll have Saudis admiring the oil slick on your face.

Dewpoint:     
When you’re ready to quit talking about it and DO something.
We have no idea what this means.
Does this have to do with Mountain Dew?
Six O’Clock.
We were taught it was rude to point.      
Yes.

Air Temp:     
Miamians die, New Yorkers speak slower, Eskimos put on a T-Shirt.
Hotter than a mutha.
Global Warming is real!!!
Check the dress code at work to see if they allow tube tops.
Ask to move tomorrow’s meeting to a nude beach.
Inside, it’s chilly enough to... hey! Nice blouse!

Water Temp:     
Warm, with a yellowish hue, depending on bladder capacity.
In some spots, it’s cold enough to require surgery to find your gonads.
Soupy.
Womb-like.
Medium Rare.
Popsicle Toes.

Forecast:
A high will meet a low and will create a ridge of normal, well adjusted pressure.
Tonight... dark... turning to widely scattered light in the morning.
There is a 70% chance that the rooster will crow.
About the same as it ever was.
Hang on a second while we check the Weather Channel site.
None likely this evening.